The Invisible Connection
Pregnancy is such an incredible experience. Just thinking about how those tiny cells can grow and turn into an actual human being—with so many moving parts and perfectly coordinated systems—is nothing short of miraculous.
Women get pregnant every day and deliver babies every day, but when you pause to really think about all the things that must happen—from creating an embryo, whether naturally or in a lab, to transferring it into a waiting uterus, to finally delivering a healthy, fully formed baby—it’s awe-inspiring.
As a surrogate, I’ve had the privilege of being part of this miracle in a very special way.
Sounds, Science, and Surrogacy
There’s a lot of research about the sounds babies hear in utero and how those sounds shape their early experiences. In one of my other posts, I shared how I played recordings of my intended parents’ voices on my belly—letting their baby grow familiar with their Irish accents even before birth.
People often ask me, “How can you be a surrogate and give the baby away?” or “Don’t you bond and struggle to let go?”
The truth is, I never saw it as giving away my baby. I always knew I was simply caring for their baby until it was ready to be in their arms—the arms that were meant to hold it all along.
Still, there was one unforgettable moment that caught me completely off guard.
A Thanksgiving Surprise
It was my second surrogacy journey, and I was carrying a sibling for the first family I’d helped. It was Canadian Thanksgiving weekend—early October—and the baby was due within the week.
The intended parents had flown in from Ireland with their toddler boy, the same little one I had carried two years earlier, to await the birth of their daughter. Our families decided to share a Thanksgiving meal together before the big day.
Now, imagine this little boy’s world: two years old, jet-lagged, surrounded by unfamiliar faces, and about to have his life completely changed by a new sibling. He didn’t remember us at all.
At the restaurant, he wasn’t eating. His dads tried everything—gentle coaxing, distraction, even bribery—but no luck. You could feel the tension building (as every parent knows, hungry toddlers and patience don’t mix!).
An Unseen Bond
Without much thought, I offered for him to come sit beside me. I wasn’t expecting anything—he didn’t know me, after all.
But to everyone’s surprise, he crawled under the table, climbed up next to me on the bench, and leaned right into my side.
I didn’t push. I didn’t try to comfort him or make conversation. I just let him be.
And slowly, he began to eat.
Something about sitting near me made him feel safe, even though he had no memory of me. His dads and my husband exchanged knowing glances, and my heart just about burst.
As the meal went on, my boys took him outside to walk around, and he was completely at ease with them, too. It was such a simple, ordinary moment—but one that felt extraordinary.
The Invisible Connection
That little boy had heard our voices before—mine, my husband’s, my kids’. We were the background music to his time growing inside me. And even though he didn’t know us consciously, something deep within him recognized us.
He felt safe.
That was the moment I truly understood the invisible connection between a surrogate and the baby she carries. It’s not about genetics or motherhood—it’s about familiarity, comfort, and trust.
Each surrogacy journey has brought moments like this—unexpected, powerful, and impossible to describe fully.
When people ask me what surrogacy is like, I tell them it’s amazing, inspiring, scary, remarkable, fascinating, nerve-wracking, and overflowing with joy—all at once.
It’s a journey of love in its purest form.
