Telling my mom…

When I first started my surrogacy journey, I was bursting with excitement. I had met with my friend who first introduced me to surrogacy, talked to my husband about it (and somehow got him on board with this wild adventure!), reached out to a surrogacy agency, and even matched with my very first intended parents. Everything was falling into place.

And now, it was time to tell my mom.

My mom and I have always been close. She’s been my confidant, my cheerleader, and the person I’ve turned to for advice my whole life. I couldn’t wait to share this new chapter with her, but her first response stopped me cold.

“Where did you hear such a stupid idea?”

In that moment, I was crushed. I was speechless. And then suddenly, I felt the need to defend my decision, to defend surrogacy itself, when I was still learning so much about it.

I tried to explain that I was working with a reputable agency, that the process was safe, that I’d have medical and emotional support every step of the way. I told her we’d be taken care of financially, that this wouldn’t put my family at risk. I reminded her that my best friend was already further along in her own surrogacy journey and doing so well but despite all that, my mom wasn’t convinced.

She reminded me that she’s a mom, and that worrying about me would never stop, no matter how old I was. I could see her point of view. And even though I was disappointed, I had to accept that she wasn’t ready to support me in this.

The Elephant in the Room

It wasn’t easy moving forward without her blessing. I went through my entire first surrogacy pregnancy without really being able to talk to her about it. We’d sit in the same room, and I’d be visibly pregnant. Yet, it was like the elephant in the room, something everyone could see but no one mentioned.

On the rare occasion I brought it up, the conversation was shut down almost immediately.

That was hard. I wanted to share the joy, the milestones, the anticipation, but instead, I learned to navigate the journey quietly. And even though my mom wasn’t on board, I reminded myself: I’m an adult. I get to make choices about my own body, my own path, and my own way of helping others.

Not everyone in your life has to agree with your decisions, and that doesn’t make those decisions wrong for you.

Finding Peace with Disagreement

Over time, I realized something important: my mom and I didn’t have to agree for us to still love and respect each other.

Each time I started another surrogacy, I’d tell her again. And each time, she’d shake her head and call me crazy, but we’d still talk, still laugh, still carry on. Our relationship didn’t fall apart.

Funny enough, I think she was more excited about the tattoo I got to represent all my surrogacy journeys than she ever was about the journeys themselves. (I honestly thought she was going to be furious about it!)

In the end, she didn’t need to understand why I chose surrogacy. It was enough that we loved each other through our differences.

What I Learned

You never really know who will support you in life decisions like this. Some of the people you expect to be your biggest cheerleaders might hesitate, or even disapprove - and that’s okay.

Surrogacy, like so many meaningful things in life, isn’t for everyone to understand.

If you’re thinking about becoming a surrogate, be prepared: not everyone will see your decision the way you do but that doesn’t mean it’s the wrong decision for you.

It just means it’s your decision, and that’s what makes it beautiful.