The Giving and Receiving of Surrogacy
A Former Surrogate’s Perspective on What You Gain Along the Way
By definition, surrogacy is when a woman carries and gives birth to a baby for another person or couple - the intended parents. But as a former surrogate, that definition barely scratches the surface.
Surrogacy, at its core, is about giving.
Giving opportunities.
Giving support.
Giving a family something they could never have without you.
Most people assume that all the giving comes from the surrogate, because she is the one carrying the child and placing that baby into the arms of hopeful parents. And yes, that part is true and unbelievably beautiful, but the surprising part?
The surrogate receives just as much and sometimes even more!
The Intangible Gifts You Carry Forever
In Canada, surrogates cannot be paid, so when I talk about what a surrogate receives, I’m not referring to financial rewards. What I’m talking about are the heart rewards. The ones that stay with you for life.
As a four-time surrogate, working with different families across the world, I can tell you this:
Every single journey gifted me something new, something unexpected, and something deeply personal.
Rediscovering Purpose as a Mom
There’s a moment many moms reach when you’re raising your kids, and you wonder What’s next for me?
My boys are teens now. They still need me, of course, but not in that full-contact, all-day-every-day way of early motherhood. Years ago, surrogacy came into my life right when I needed a new purpose, a project to pour my whole heart into. Something of my own as I was in the middle of the chaos of raising two young boys.
Being a surrogate gave me:
A sense of purpose
A meaningful challenge
Something to focus my energy on
A passion that was wholly mine
Yes, I relied on my family’s support. But this was my journey, one that filled me with pride, accomplishment, and direction.
The Family You Didn’t Know You Were Missing
One of the biggest surprises was that my family grew in every direction.
Not just through the intended parents and their loved ones, though that was incredible. But through the sisterhood of other surrogates.
We lifted each other through morning sickness, injections, ultrasounds, and the emotional highs and lows. We celebrated milestones together. We understood each other in ways that no one else truly could.
Some of these women are now lifelong friends.
This sisterhood is real, powerful, and so special.
Opportunities You Can’t Predict
Surrogacy opened doors I didn’t even know existed.
It gave me opportunities to:
Support other women
Be a listening ear for those facing fertility or life challenges
Educate families who knew nothing about surrogacy
Speak on stages and share my journey
Teach my kids and extended family about generosity, love, and inclusion
Surrogacy is often described as a one-way gift from surrogate to intended parents, but I can promise you this:
The giving and receiving flow both ways!
The Gift You Give and the Gifts You Get
Becoming a surrogate allows you to give something magical:
A child.
A family.
A future that someone cannot have without your help.
But in the process, you also give yourself, and your own family, gifts that are beyond words:
Purpose
Pride
Belonging
Connection
Growth
Joy
Surrogacy shaped my life in ways I never saw coming and continues to bless me every single day.
Thinking About Becoming a Surrogate?
If you’ve ever felt the pull, the curiosity, or that spark of interest… trust that feeling. Surrogacy isn’t just about helping someone else, it’s about discovering parts of yourself you didn’t know existed.
I’d love to talk with you, share more, and help you explore whether this journey is right for you.
You might be surprised by what you receive along the way.
